Despite arriving 2 months early, spending 6+ weeks in the NICU, and needing an oxygen tank in addition to her diaper bag for 8 weeks, Rubina was a super easy baby. In those early days I remember wondering about how and when it would get hard... I learned early on that talking about the difficulties … Continue reading Raising the Future
I saw a woman in the grocery store today who reminded me SO much of my mom. She was tiny and a little hunched over. She was wearing nerdy sneakers with a long skirt and I could almost hear my mom saying, "Aren't they cute? Do you want me to buy you a pair?". Her … Continue reading The Cutest, Little Lady in Nerdy Sneakers
Motherhood in May / Part 5 In true Reshma McClintock form, I am finishing up the Motherhood in May series in JUNE. This is real life and, in my world, it looks like good intentions, sometimes poor delivery and late arrival, profound joy, immense frustration, a heap of clothes on the bed, Play-Doh in the carpet, and 7,000 … Continue reading THIS is Motherhood.
Motherhood in May / Part 2 Odd as it may seem, for me, most days begin with a seemingly obvious reminder that my mom is gone and has been for more than 7 months. I still attempt to call her several times a week and often find myself surprised by the program from her funeral gracing my refrigerator. As … Continue reading Beets & Basil.
In May I will focus solely on the topic of motherhood in a series titled, Motherhood in May. The anticipation of my first Mother's Day without my mom, has my emotions in a hurricane-esque fury. I find myself anticipating the weight of her absence caving in on me on a day in which I have more reasons than … Continue reading Motherhood.
My husband captured this quiet, precious moment between Rubina and I the other night as she and I talked about my mom. I'm extremely grateful to have this photo; I hope to never forget the way she looked at me, the tugging feeling as she wound my hair around her small fingers, and the sound of her voice as … Continue reading Grief and Motherhood
If I were to tell the truth, it might be sadder than you imagined. If I were to be open, honest, and raw it might surprise you. If I revealed these past few months have been the most grievous of my life you might think I'm being dramatic. If I were to share how I feel (which … Continue reading Peace and Pain
My mom passed away just over 4 weeks ago. In the days immediately following her death, there was a deep sense of peace and relief; she had suffered so long and was finally at rest. My dad, brothers and I felt she deserved to go. We knew a great reward awaited her as she moved … Continue reading Pamela June Lewis | 1954 – 2015
Part 1 | No vs. Yes Rubina ask so many questions in a single day. More questions than I ever thought was possible. I've even categorized them; here's the breakdown: The "Can I's": Can I have some chocolate? Can I go outside? Can I get a cat? Can I jump from the fourth stair? Can I get a … Continue reading Bad Mom, Part 1 | No vs. Yes
A year ago today I sat with my dad and brothers and, together, we planned my mom's funeral. She was on life support for the 2nd time in 3 years and the dr's were confident her body was going to fail this time around and she wouldn't survive another day. We sat in my parents living room … Continue reading throwback to a funeral that never happened…